Does She Dive?
May 13th 2004
Today I spent the day staring at bubbles as they came bursting to the surface. My objective, even as I was lost in thought, was to be the best possible tender. I wanted to be able to anticipate the diver’s every need, to give slack as slack was needed and to gently guide it back when it was time for him to head back in.

I wanted to be able to write longer chapters in my journal, perhaps little stories that could stand on their own but I come home and stare at the notebook instead. Words avoid me sometimes, and more often than not I am the one avoiding the notebook. Where to start for that day? What do I tell first?
How about this for starters? I overhear this, it was said loud enough for me to hear but still spoken as if I weren’t there.
“Are they all divers?”
“Yeah I think.”
“All of them, or does she just tend?”

This conversation is also very real.
“Are you guys divers?” Someone at the plant we are working at asks our crew.
“Yes.” One of the guys or the foreman will answer.
“All of you?” At which point as if the question wasn’t obvious enough one or all of the questioners will look in my direction.
“Yeah.” I know sooner or later this gets old, but you know this first response is never convincing enough so 90% of the time now looking directly at me but still asking one of the guys the man will persist.
“Does she dive?”
“Yeah.”
Eventually I took to ignoring them completely. At first I was worried that I was coming off as arrogant or stuck-up but what did it matter if they all treated me as if I was deaf anyway? I might as well be deaf.
Just a couple of days ago our plant contact asked me this directly (for a change).
“How come you never dive?” What made him come to that conclusion? You know what was the worst part? The day I dove he wasn’t there! Regardless, what kind of answer did he expect from me? What was he thinking when he asked that question?
“Gee sir, I don’t dive because I don’t have the experience or the balls. Ha ha.” But that one doesn’t work because I have about as much experience as half the crew there. “I’m just a really really good tender.” I could say but don’t you think that perhaps the correct answer could have been “I don’t dive because I’m a girl and girls don’t dive.” Sometimes I’ve been tempted to just respond with a completely absurd statement when asked if I am a diver.
“Are you really a diver?”
“No, actually I’m just their fan base. I tend them and service them. Oh, I also pick up their lunches and laundry.”
This because I have actually done laundry and lunch pick ups. On one job I was half way down to the shop to pick up a particular torque wrench when I was called back. After I turned around and walked the distance back to the foreman he pulled some bills out of his pocket and handed them to me. “Why don’t you get the me and the guys some sandwiches instead.” Would you be furious or just mildly annoyed? I was a bit of both but mostly surprised, yet that day I knew enough to keep my big mouth shut. I let the simmer die down, but not before one of the divers, with whom I was close friends noticed.
“Are you annoyed at that?” he asked. There was genuine concern in his expression. I trusted him so I was honest in my reply.
“Hell yeah, but I’ll get over it.” I didn’t consider what had just happened as a big deal. All this time I still don’t know what moves men to do or say half of what they do and say. I have no understanding of what their convoluted idea of honor and respect is all about, but I knew enough to understand that this was one of those things you just need to let go of and eventually it will be dropped and forgotten. Sadly, the guy I trusted told the foreman. I want to think that he did it because he thought he might help me, I don’t want to think that he was just being a gossip. My foreman on this particular job, being the possessor of the coldest blue eyes ever seen looked me straight in the face and said:
“If you have a problem you need to come to me. You need to tell me. I heard what I did bothered you.”
“Whoever told you had no business telling you.”
“No. You need to tell me.”
I smiled as if nothing but I was thinking “If you knew this would be cause for bother why did you do it?”
Why do they do it? What answer do I give to “How come you never dive?”